perhaps i'll keep up this time...

Dear friends,

It has been almost five months to the day since I last wrote.  I started out the new year thinking that I would write more and be a better blogger, but God had other plans...

...Only a couple of weeks after I wrote that last entry on January third, my mom got sick.  At first, we didn't know what was going on, but after a couple of agonizing weeks of doctors and tests and fear and uncertainty and anger, we finally figured it out.  Without going into a lot of detail, she is doing much better, al7amdulillah, and we are getting her healthy again.  I don't know why this had to happen to my family, but God definitely had a plan to get us all to listen to Him and pay attention.

Not only was I dealing with getting my Mama healthy, I was finishing up grad school...My, how the time flies.  I feel like I just started at the Clinton School yesterday and now I've finished!  I just keep thinking that a year ago today, I was in Amman, having my first real taste of the big wide world and now I'm back.  Time really does go by quickly!

I'm searching for jobs and figuring out what it is that I'd like to do for the time being.  Man, that is a  hard thing to think about because my interests are all over the place.  I love people.  I get excited about talking to people.  I am interested in politics.  Middle East affairs.  Writing.  I could find my niche anywhere, but I've got to narrow it down.  Anyway, that's my life right now...

I can't believe that we're about to be in the middle of the year.  With everything that's been going on, you'd think that I'd be going bat mess crazy, but I am really content.  I am happy.  My perspective on life and love and everything has changed.  I spend more time doing the things I enjoy and being with the people I love.  Perspective.  There's that word again.  Man.  It's powerful.

Until next time (which will hopefully NOT be another five months haha),

Salaam,

jMed

it's 2012?!

Happy new year, all!

I can not believe that it's a new year already.  It seems that as I get older, the years go by faster, with much less excitement than before.  Somehow that saddens me.  I mean, I get that I understand more and can see more in my community and my city and the world at large, but geez, I like being excited about life.

But you know what, this past year, especially the second half, I learned so much about myself and what I can do.  I've titled this blog "mandhour" and that word has special meaning for me.  While I was in Jordan, I was able to experience things that I would likely not in the United States.  I found that our American notions of the Middle East are so off and nowhere near accurate (I'm pretty sure that's due to our collective thinking that we are the most supreme in the world.  Um, how bout no, my fellow countrymen, NO!).  From my varied experiences, I developed a new perspective.  Learning from new experiences definitely didn't stop in Jordan.  I came home, went to New York, interacted with lots of different folks and I continued to take in everything I could.  A new way to see things and a new way to think about what goes on around me (and when I say around me, I mean what's happening all over the world.  That's around me too, even if not close in proximity at all).  Mandhour--the Arabic word meaning perspective.  It is now incorporated into my life.  When I get to mental places where I make unreasonable or irrational thoughts (which, is way more than it should be haha!), I make myself stop to first give thanks for my life and the blessing that it is, then I think about the opportunities I've had and how things could be so much different.

Mandhour.

Lately I haven't been great at remembering these things and it's been putting me in a tizzy.  I've been way too emotional or way too attached and in some cases way too analytical about stuff that I know good and doggone well that I need to just let go.  Let live and let go and let God.  How hard is it, really?  Evidently it's been more difficult than it ought to be.  Been too serious about getting minor things done.  Too serious about little matters.  Too serious about aspects of relationships that could very well change with the snap of a finger.  Just too damn serious.  I'm too young to be so serious.  Granted, a bad mood or two is completely normal, but getting stuck in these serious funks is where the problem is.

Well, this morning as I watched the Today Show, one segment focused on happiness in the American workplace and how less that 50% of Americans are happy with their jobs. I could look at this two ways.  One would say that there are so many people who would die to have a job, so stop complaining.  The other says, goodness gracious, if that many people are not happy, then there is a serious problem.  I know there are so many factors that keep people from chasing their dreams and being truly happy, but I want that cycle to stop with me.  And that's with more than just workplace contentment and happiness.  That's with my entire life.  I want to do what will make me happy.  Of course I'd like to live well, but what good will any of that do if I can't also enjoy it?

So anyway, I'm just really thrilled to see what's next, especially the next few months and right after graduation (can't believe I'm almost done with this program!  It has gone by so stinkin fast!).  I just wanna live it up and be happy.  Tell people how I feel, let them know their value in my life (or eliminate them if there is no value HA!), just make the most out of this life.  I mean, because there's only one, ya know!

With new found and ever-progressing and ever-growing mandhour, salaam,

jMed

it's Christmastime!

I can't believe that Christmas is only a little over two weeks away!  This year has been flying by, literally!

I'm a little sad that the holiday has come upon us so quickly.  It seems that as I get older, the wonderment and fantasy that comes with the Christmas fades with each passing year.  I mean, I will Christmas holiday and all that it (truly) represents for me, but I miss that feeling of excitement that I used to have.  I remember times when I could barely sleep Christmas Eve night and I swore to high heaven that I heard reindeer hoofs on my roof.  Don't judge me, guys, I was like eight.  Give me a break.  But you get my point.  It was just a magical time.  And while it still is, I just understand more and can see more and the magic isn't there like it used to be.

But I digress from this.  It's making me sad to talk about Christmas like a real life grown up!

On a totally different note, I can't believe that I am about to be in my last semester as a graduate student.  This last year and a half has gone by.  I still feel like I should be getting dressed in my City Year uniform, going to Seventh Street (it's over theeeeeere!!  Yea CE Team!), helping young people learn to be better readers.  Alas, that really was two years ago, just about.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to study at this institution.  I feel like I'll be so much more prepared to tackle life as a public servant.  Now, the million dollar question is still this, what will I do?  I still don't know what exactly I'll do, but I'm sure that I'm on my way to figuring it out...Ehhh, we'll see what happens.

I feel like I'm all over the place today with this entry.  I felt like I hadn't written in a while so I should give it a go, but I'm finding that I don't really have anything of substance to talk about right now.  Who would have thought?!  Jasmine with no words to say?  I can hardly believe it myself!

So I'm going to stop here for now until I really feel led to write something else.  Y'all keep-a-livin.  Until next time, salaam,

jMed

lately

First, I'd like to say, I LOVE my Razorbacks, no matter what, so all that trash talk can stop.  Woo Pig.

I digress...

This last week or so has been a pretty sad one, to say the least.  I lost a Sorority sister, a church member, and then another church member, who bless her heart was only 20 years old.  She went to have a celebratory meal with her friends and in the rain and grossness of the day, was in a car accident and was killed.  My heart broke when my mother told me that this girl was gone.  I seriously had to do a double take and ask her to repeat what she said.  It was a feeling of instant shock and sadness.  Ever since then, I have been just sick to my stomach for my friend's family.

I mean, I just couldn't fathom being a mother and having to bury my child who is just starting out life as an adult.  There's so much to see and do and experience, that's just a horrible time.  And mamas should not bury their children.  It should not happen like that.  My heart is just hurting.

Times are hard, y'all.  This has just been a truly surreal week.  But in all of the craziness and sadness that has hit home for me, I keep on pressing.

Thanksgiving was a great time and I got to see my brother, sister-in-law and future nephew (sis-n-law is expecting, yay!).  While I wasn't just honestly excited about the logistics of traveling to them, I was glad to see my family who I hadn't seen in far too long.  My brother is silly and fun and is so excited about becoming a father again.  Thinking about my time with my family makes me smile through sadness and uncertainty.  I keep myself surrounded by my loved ones and when I realize that I'm taking them for granted, I make myself stop and think.  And thank God for them.  You never know how long you have them for.

So, thanks, God.  For my life.  And my loves.  And just letting me be.

Salaam,
jMed

okay, here we go

I'm STILL reminiscing about my time in Jordan.  I think about it probably every single day.

Whether I say something in Arabic, or smell something that is vaguely familiar, or just sit too long, Jordan comes up in my thoughts.  For a while there, I wasn't sure I would make the entire trip.  But I'm so thankful that I did.  I feel like so much was opened up for me and it has totally expanded my horizons in general.  I feel so empowered by my trip.  Before, I was really just existing.  Living, but not really getting the most out of it.  I am an outspoken, headstrong person, but I feel so much more able to go out and do whatever I can.  I am more excited about my future and what there is out there and I'm eager to see what's in store.

My recent trip to New York also helped my outlook on life.  While the length and scope of this trip are much smaller than my trek to Jordan, this also solidified my new lease on things.  Hell, I'm even considering moving to New York.  I can't believe that either.  Who would have thought this slow-paced Southern Belle would want to live in the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple?  Yea, me neither.  After that trip, I got a chance to meet Secretary Clinton and just be in the midst of such influence and power (yes, power, but not in a scary tyranny type of power haha).  I think I've finally figured out where I would like to go with my life.  It's such a relief to at least know what I want to spend my life on.  Now, the whole post-grad job situation?  I'm still working on that part ;)

I don't know, I'm at a place in life where I am content, but still wanting to grow.  I feel like I'm at the most exciting part of my life and I'm feeling good about all of the possibilities.  I'm praying for favorable outcomes and just that I can be the best in what I'll do.  So until bokra--tomorrow--or whenever I next write, salaam,

jMed

ahlan

First post on the new blog.

I've been wanting to start this blog for a while, but I just didn't have the heart or the inspiration until now.  I have really been thinking about it and in the last couple of weeks I've been more inspired.

At this point, I still don't have a lot to say, but I do hope that in the future, y'all out there will read what I write and I hope that there's something that will help you or brighten your day somehow.

So until next time, salaam,

jMed