beginnings.

Man.  Wheeeere did 2013 go?

Between working, and experiencing, loving and losing love (and finding love again...and losing it again hahahahahaha!), caring, laughing, crying, shouting, saying see you later to my Favorite Girl (I love and miss you, Granny), this year has brought so much.  SO MUCH.

I thought about what I'd been through this year, good and not so good, and I thought I had lots of reason to be irritated or upset or discontented with stuff.  But then I came to myself and realized how much of a blessing each and every experience has been to me.  I'm sure that people say this type of thing around this time of year every year, but this has really been a HUGE year all around.  I have so much to take into the next year and I am hopeful that my story can touch or help someone along the way.

I don't usually make new year's resolutions (because I'm realistic about what I will and will not do, and I don't need a "new year" to resolve to be different), but I will say this:  while I will never forget the hurts and pains of this 2013, I am making a concerted effort to take the feelings into 2014 to help shape me into an even better me.

Bonne Année, tout le monde, bonne année!

Until next time (inshAllah in the new year), SALAAM,
jMed

today.

We may lose sight of the father, mother, brother, sister, spouse or friends, but we always know that God is walking beside us.  An old saying puts it like this:  "Good company on the road makes the way seem lighter."  Our times are in our heavenly Father's hand; how could we wish or ask for more?
For He who has our pathway planned, will guide us til our journey's over.  As we travel life's weary road, allow the Lord to lift your heavy load.

-from my very dear family friend Lt. Col. Kevin Warthon

Salaam,

jMed

wisdom on growing relationships.

"I would say not to rush things of push things or try to force things to work or force things to your timetable.  Basic, cliched  advice, but don't expect the person or the nature of your relationship to change much--
it probably won't on either count, despite outside circumstances changing.
And don't be afraid to throw reason and logic our the window when it comes to love--be fearless and go after what you want.  And be honest with yourself about what you really, really want--not what you think you should want...
Enjoy and don't rush to get from point A to Z...because I feel like one day you wake up and things are finished--and you realize it's what you were rushing toward all along instead of enjoying your life and the journey and the evolution.  Banish fear!"
-KOP

Thank God for having the wisest, most genuine and thoughtful friends.  I am so grateful.

Salaam,

jMed

clarity.

There are times when I think I want or need something in my life.  Whether it's a thing, an experience, or a person, to name a few.  You dream about how you think things will go, or you think that a bit of familiarity will provide comfort, but then when that experience or familiar situation rolls around, you have an AHA! moment and realize that something isn't for you.  It can be a bit saddening, just because things don't live up to expectations, but then after a little rational thinking, you know that things are the way they should be.  And you're okay with that.  Not just okay, but content.

Few things are better than that feeling of knowing exactly what you want.  Being content.

Ahh, the weight is lifted from my shoulders.  I can think clearly.  Al7amdulillah.  Thanks, God.

It all comes back to perspective--mandhour.

Until next time, salaam,

jMed

good song.

Love this song.  Sade can do no wrong.

Salaam,

jMed

frustrée

I totally suck at keeping this thing updated.

In any case, I am a bit frustrated right now (as the title of this post suggests..."frustrée" is French for frustrated, to make a long grammatical story short)...

Man meets woman.

A couple years pass by.

Man and woman discover mutual interest.

Hurry up and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Aaaaaand wait.

WTF, MATE?!?!?!

I mean, this is by no means a new phenomenon, and I'm sure it's not the last, but geez.

That feeling of seeing that person who you see past the outside and see their feelings, see their hurts and pains, even when you don't know the whole entire story, when you can tell just by a text received how the day is going or went...Those times when you both sneak a knowing glance but aren't in a [figurative] place to speak but your eyes speak enough.  Yea.  The stuff of romance.  Or sappy chick flicks.  Hell, whatever you want to call it.

"Just enjoy where you are!"  "Have fun and don't be too serious!" or my personal favorite, "Don't rush it!" are all phrases, among many many more, I'm sure, that women have heard these annoying tidbits for eons.  It's so much easier said than done, and while well-intended, get annoying to hear.

Or maybe I'm just the most impatient person on the face of the planet.  Yep, I think that's it.

And it continues.  My perpetual cross to bear is patience.  I guess I won't finish writing what I was gonna write since I totally just slapped myself haha!  Gotsta be mo patient, Jaz!  (Crap, I had something else to say but I totally forgot in my rant-turned-realization that I need to chill all the way out.  Not cute.)

Salaam,

jMed

get a clue

I'm not a mean person, nor do I take pleasure in having to be mean when I am.

With that said, I might not be mean, but I can't stand foolery and unnecessary-ness...I know that's not a word, but you know what I mean here.  I've really gotten to know myself and I really appreciate who I am becoming...I'm pretty matter-of-fact and to-the-point, and I don't usually leave much room for doubt.

Picture it, mid 2013 and I meet a really nice guy who seems to have honest intentions.  He is gainfully employed (he's a pilot, y'all, how cool is that?!), tall, handsome, pretty respectable, although not much for punctuality (which should have been the first, second and third strikes for me when we'd go out together)...We chat, hang out pretty often and talk regularly.  Then in one conversation, he insults me, whether he knows it or not, and I make my disdain (read:  anger haha!) pretty clear.  He doesn't understand why I was so frustrated, but I was.  And I don't deal too well with wrong-doings that come without correction.

So I dismissed him.  Promptly.  From every aspect of my life possible.  With absolutely no regret or looking back wondering "what if" (Disclaimer:  This episode comes after a hurt that is still healing, which leaves me with even less wiggle room than I give in the first place.)

Well, I was out celebrating one of my good friends who is moving back to her home state (shoutout Brit!!  Love and miss you already!) with a little salsa dancing (check out Little Rock Salsa!  The salsa community here in LR is growing and I love it!) when lo, and behold I see the dismissed sir himself.  I'm sure my face wreaked with shock that I actually saw him, but even more, I'm surprised at how the feelings of disdain came back upon me.

As I danced with my group of friends I brought with me and other salseros in the place, I glanced to see if that loser was still to be found.  Thank goodness, he wasn't....

Until...THIS MORNING, he sends me a text saying it was good to see me and apologizing for his complete a--hole-ness when our "whatever-it-was" was first starting (the whatever-it-was was absolutely nothing and a waste of my time hahahahahahaha!).  Why could he not get a clue that I was SERIOUS that I didn't want to talk to him when I quit responding (this includes last week or so when he contacted me...SMH simpletons)?  Like I said in the beginning, I really don't like to be mean, but I also do not ever want to speak to or see this guy again.  I asked my sisterboothang (shoutout RyDub!) what I should do and she says to let him know...AGAIN...that I don't want to be bothered.  So after he sends a looooooong message asking for forgiveness, I say a simple "Please leave me alone."

I felt that familiar twinge of "oh dang, why so mean creep up in me," but then I realized that I have to be selfish and guard my heart and my own feelings and if it has no place in my life then dismiss it.

Long story short (too late), I won't be hearing from dude again, THANK GOD!  And I feel so much better.  Shoutout to being direct!  LOL

Besides, like my favorite movie character, Carmen Jones, says, "The wind's blowin' me in anotha direction and it ain't no use aaaaaarguin' wit da wind....." (insert coy smile here)...

So until next time, Salaam,

jMed