beginnings.

Man.  Wheeeere did 2013 go?

Between working, and experiencing, loving and losing love (and finding love again...and losing it again hahahahahaha!), caring, laughing, crying, shouting, saying see you later to my Favorite Girl (I love and miss you, Granny), this year has brought so much.  SO MUCH.

I thought about what I'd been through this year, good and not so good, and I thought I had lots of reason to be irritated or upset or discontented with stuff.  But then I came to myself and realized how much of a blessing each and every experience has been to me.  I'm sure that people say this type of thing around this time of year every year, but this has really been a HUGE year all around.  I have so much to take into the next year and I am hopeful that my story can touch or help someone along the way.

I don't usually make new year's resolutions (because I'm realistic about what I will and will not do, and I don't need a "new year" to resolve to be different), but I will say this:  while I will never forget the hurts and pains of this 2013, I am making a concerted effort to take the feelings into 2014 to help shape me into an even better me.

Bonne Année, tout le monde, bonne année!

Until next time (inshAllah in the new year), SALAAM,
jMed

today.

We may lose sight of the father, mother, brother, sister, spouse or friends, but we always know that God is walking beside us.  An old saying puts it like this:  "Good company on the road makes the way seem lighter."  Our times are in our heavenly Father's hand; how could we wish or ask for more?
For He who has our pathway planned, will guide us til our journey's over.  As we travel life's weary road, allow the Lord to lift your heavy load.

-from my very dear family friend Lt. Col. Kevin Warthon

Salaam,

jMed

wisdom on growing relationships.

"I would say not to rush things of push things or try to force things to work or force things to your timetable.  Basic, cliched  advice, but don't expect the person or the nature of your relationship to change much--
it probably won't on either count, despite outside circumstances changing.
And don't be afraid to throw reason and logic our the window when it comes to love--be fearless and go after what you want.  And be honest with yourself about what you really, really want--not what you think you should want...
Enjoy and don't rush to get from point A to Z...because I feel like one day you wake up and things are finished--and you realize it's what you were rushing toward all along instead of enjoying your life and the journey and the evolution.  Banish fear!"
-KOP

Thank God for having the wisest, most genuine and thoughtful friends.  I am so grateful.

Salaam,

jMed

clarity.

There are times when I think I want or need something in my life.  Whether it's a thing, an experience, or a person, to name a few.  You dream about how you think things will go, or you think that a bit of familiarity will provide comfort, but then when that experience or familiar situation rolls around, you have an AHA! moment and realize that something isn't for you.  It can be a bit saddening, just because things don't live up to expectations, but then after a little rational thinking, you know that things are the way they should be.  And you're okay with that.  Not just okay, but content.

Few things are better than that feeling of knowing exactly what you want.  Being content.

Ahh, the weight is lifted from my shoulders.  I can think clearly.  Al7amdulillah.  Thanks, God.

It all comes back to perspective--mandhour.

Until next time, salaam,

jMed

good song.

Love this song.  Sade can do no wrong.

Salaam,

jMed

frustrée

I totally suck at keeping this thing updated.

In any case, I am a bit frustrated right now (as the title of this post suggests..."frustrée" is French for frustrated, to make a long grammatical story short)...

Man meets woman.

A couple years pass by.

Man and woman discover mutual interest.

Hurry up and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Aaaaaand wait.

WTF, MATE?!?!?!

I mean, this is by no means a new phenomenon, and I'm sure it's not the last, but geez.

That feeling of seeing that person who you see past the outside and see their feelings, see their hurts and pains, even when you don't know the whole entire story, when you can tell just by a text received how the day is going or went...Those times when you both sneak a knowing glance but aren't in a [figurative] place to speak but your eyes speak enough.  Yea.  The stuff of romance.  Or sappy chick flicks.  Hell, whatever you want to call it.

"Just enjoy where you are!"  "Have fun and don't be too serious!" or my personal favorite, "Don't rush it!" are all phrases, among many many more, I'm sure, that women have heard these annoying tidbits for eons.  It's so much easier said than done, and while well-intended, get annoying to hear.

Or maybe I'm just the most impatient person on the face of the planet.  Yep, I think that's it.

And it continues.  My perpetual cross to bear is patience.  I guess I won't finish writing what I was gonna write since I totally just slapped myself haha!  Gotsta be mo patient, Jaz!  (Crap, I had something else to say but I totally forgot in my rant-turned-realization that I need to chill all the way out.  Not cute.)

Salaam,

jMed

get a clue

I'm not a mean person, nor do I take pleasure in having to be mean when I am.

With that said, I might not be mean, but I can't stand foolery and unnecessary-ness...I know that's not a word, but you know what I mean here.  I've really gotten to know myself and I really appreciate who I am becoming...I'm pretty matter-of-fact and to-the-point, and I don't usually leave much room for doubt.

Picture it, mid 2013 and I meet a really nice guy who seems to have honest intentions.  He is gainfully employed (he's a pilot, y'all, how cool is that?!), tall, handsome, pretty respectable, although not much for punctuality (which should have been the first, second and third strikes for me when we'd go out together)...We chat, hang out pretty often and talk regularly.  Then in one conversation, he insults me, whether he knows it or not, and I make my disdain (read:  anger haha!) pretty clear.  He doesn't understand why I was so frustrated, but I was.  And I don't deal too well with wrong-doings that come without correction.

So I dismissed him.  Promptly.  From every aspect of my life possible.  With absolutely no regret or looking back wondering "what if" (Disclaimer:  This episode comes after a hurt that is still healing, which leaves me with even less wiggle room than I give in the first place.)

Well, I was out celebrating one of my good friends who is moving back to her home state (shoutout Brit!!  Love and miss you already!) with a little salsa dancing (check out Little Rock Salsa!  The salsa community here in LR is growing and I love it!) when lo, and behold I see the dismissed sir himself.  I'm sure my face wreaked with shock that I actually saw him, but even more, I'm surprised at how the feelings of disdain came back upon me.

As I danced with my group of friends I brought with me and other salseros in the place, I glanced to see if that loser was still to be found.  Thank goodness, he wasn't....

Until...THIS MORNING, he sends me a text saying it was good to see me and apologizing for his complete a--hole-ness when our "whatever-it-was" was first starting (the whatever-it-was was absolutely nothing and a waste of my time hahahahahahaha!).  Why could he not get a clue that I was SERIOUS that I didn't want to talk to him when I quit responding (this includes last week or so when he contacted me...SMH simpletons)?  Like I said in the beginning, I really don't like to be mean, but I also do not ever want to speak to or see this guy again.  I asked my sisterboothang (shoutout RyDub!) what I should do and she says to let him know...AGAIN...that I don't want to be bothered.  So after he sends a looooooong message asking for forgiveness, I say a simple "Please leave me alone."

I felt that familiar twinge of "oh dang, why so mean creep up in me," but then I realized that I have to be selfish and guard my heart and my own feelings and if it has no place in my life then dismiss it.

Long story short (too late), I won't be hearing from dude again, THANK GOD!  And I feel so much better.  Shoutout to being direct!  LOL

Besides, like my favorite movie character, Carmen Jones, says, "The wind's blowin' me in anotha direction and it ain't no use aaaaaarguin' wit da wind....." (insert coy smile here)...

So until next time, Salaam,

jMed

quick thought.

All sunshine makes for a desert.    -Arab proverb

REAL love

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13

Now that is something to be thankful for.

Salaam,

jMed

old & new

I think perhaps I'm finally getting the hang of keeping up with this blog again...

It was so much easier to keep up and update this regularly when I lived overseas, because there was always something of note to talk about.  I mean, I still have things to talk about now, but it's just not as fun now.  I mean, how can you compare seeing a random herd of camels leisurely strolling across the road to a light dusting of snow in Arkansas?  Yea, nope.  Of course I try and see the beauty in all of it, but nothing beats my Jordan adventures!

Anyway, one of the girls I work with keeps a blog every day and it's so cute.  She talks about fashion, books, cooking and home projects she's taking up.  I read it in the mornings and it's so cute.  This girl, Meghan, is such a good writer.  It's almost like I can hear her saying everything in her entries--such good writer's voice.  Y'all check her blog out here!

How could I forget, let me give my belated birthday wishes to my little godson Nathanael!  He turned the big ONE year old on Saturday!!  I love that little boy!!

One more thing, congratulations to two of my friends who just had babies!  Angelique had Rachel Gabrielle on Thursday and Devin had little Ian Shane on Friday afternoon!  Both mamas and babies are doing well.  I actually got to go and meet Miss Rachel yesterday.  Such a sweet baby girl.  She tried to fuss at me, but I wouldn't let her.  Her granddaddy is my Pastor, so it was also great to see the whole family at their home!  Not only did I get to see Angel, Miss Rachel, GG (Rachel's big sister), my Pastor and First Lady, but I was filled in to some verrrrry interesting information from Angel.  THANK YOU FOR THAT--I got so much laughter and closure and peace!!  LOVE YOU, GIRL!

Aaaaaaaand, scene!

Salaam,

jMed

new music obsession

Wow, two posts in one day!  I'm on it, aren't I?  HA!

I don't really have much to say here, but I LOVE music.  I think I was in Starbucks chatting with a male-type person (shout out Mommy for calling them that hahahaha!) and you know how they have featured songs that they give for free there?  Well, I decided to grab one that day and it was Lianne La Havas.  She's of Greek and Jamaican descent and Britain-bred.  That particular song was "Is Your Love Big Enough?" which I love, but then recently I heard another song (the most recent single from her album called Is Your Love Big Enough?) called "Lost and Found."  Fell completely in love.

Lianne's voice is RIDIC.  She sings from way deep down and has so much soul.  Y'all, I can't even describe it adequately.  And I love how she plays the acoustic guitar.  I just really appreciate her true artistry and that she's sharing it with the world.  Finally got the aforementioned album about a month ago, and I'm pretty sure I've worn it out already.  I've got several favorites (well, the whole album is so good that I can't pick just one song), but below is a video of her singing one cut that's called "Forget."  I love that song anyway, but it is particularly appropriate for my life right now...That's another entry for another day...Enjoy, y'all!

Salaam, y'all!

jMed

feel good

One day during a meeting we had at work, I think my attitude may have been on ten, or I was not feeling myself, my boss had me set up for a session.  This session included audio and video and one of the videos he chose to play was a neat video.  This guy, Neil Parischa, gave a TED talk about his experiences growing up and how he gets through tough times (or in my case, when attitudes are rampant and ugly haha).  When I am not in a great mood, or I'm having a bad day, I sometimes go back and watch this and it gives me perspective, once again.  Enjoy this video, y'all!

After this TED talk, Mr. Parischa started a blog called "1000 Awesome Things."  Every day, it talks about one small thing in life that really is awesome.  In addition to talking to God and trying to read His Word, I try to read this blog each day, to see what truly awesome stuff is up, and I laugh when I see that this stuff really is awesome.

I hope y'all might check this blog out.  It really is AWESOME!

Until next time,

Salaam,

jMed

félicitations!

Today I was honored to witness two of my church family friends marry today.  Ms. Loretta and André married after our morning worship service today.  They looked so happy!  She looked beautiful and I know that they have a happy life ahead together.  Praying for you both :)

André waiting for Ms. Loretta at the altar :)

Until next time,

Salaam,

jMed

2013, what?

I seriously have been a giant slacker in keeping this blog up to date.  There's not much to update on, but I've just got a few tiny recaps and shout outs haha!

First,  (a belated) Merry Christmas 2012.  Yes, I know, about 3 1/2 weeks late, but every day can be Jesus' birthday!  Speaking of Jesus' birth, my church, St. John Missionary Baptist Church, did a production for the holiday based on the Black Nativity (check out a clip of one version of the Black Nativity here).  My, what a treat that was!  I was cast to play the Blessed Virgin.  If you know me, you know how funny that is, for several reasons.  One, I'm not an actress.  I love performing arts, but that was not the performing art with which I was gifted.  Two, let's just put it this way, Jasmine and kids = skrrrrrrrrrr.  I was so nervous because I've never acted and it is so out of my comfort zone.  In any case, during rehearsals, during the actual performance, our cast, led by our awesome Minister of Music, had chuuuuuuuuuuuurch!  Y'all we were blessed every single time we had to run through a scene.  The Holy Ghost filled that place over and over again.  I'm glad that I was a part of that.  It was so different for St. John, but I hope we continue to do creative and innovative things like that in the future.

Second, (another belated) Happy New Year!  Late, again.  Don't judge.  (As an aside, am I the only one who gets wickedly annoyed when folks say "Happy New Years!"? I mean, we only celebrate ONE new year at a time, so what sense does it make to say "years"?  That just burns me up!  Let's do better, y'all, and say Happy New Year.  Soapbox over.)

Third, (gosh, I'm seriously slacking) an ear-piercing Skeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-Wee to my beloved Sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated!  We were very blessed to celebrate 105 years of service and sisterhood this past Tuesday, January 15, 2013.  What an honor it is to be a part of such an illustrious and esteemed organization, that (to my heart's content) is controlled and run by BLACK WOMEN!  This group of women is so resourceful and hard-working, but more than that, we are a group that truly loves each other.  In the past few years there have been a few bumps in the road (that I won't go into), but we continue to strive toward excellence!  Special shout out to my dear Omicron Chi chapter at my Alma Mater Rhodes College, and of course, my heart, my Beta Pi Omega chapter here in LR!  I would not be the woman I am today if these two chapters had not bestowed upon me the honor of being among their ranks.

And to my sisters in Greekdom, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated, welcome to the Centennial club!  If I know anything, I know it was so exciting to make that journey back to where it started.  We are not a part of the same group, but it makes me proud to see yet more beautiful women doing amazing things in the community!

The biggest thing I have to share right now, though, is a testimony to how good God has been to my family in the past year.  So in 2012, January 13, my mom suffered a minor stroke.  We had been noticing stuff like her talking crazy and not doing things the way she normally would, and it finally happened.  But bless God for several people.  I called my mom at work to ask her something, but they told me that she had gone home for the day because she was sick.  Anyone who knows her knows that she NEVER goes home sick.  Like ever.  In fact, we have to make her take off just because.  I knew something was up then.  I raced home (probably going about 30 mph above the speed limit the entire day) and found my mother there, as some of her co-workers drove her home, disoriented, saying that she just didn't feel right.  I called my sister and told her what was up, and she called a doctor she used to work with (she's in pharmaceuticals) to see if we could get Mama in.  The nurse who answered probably saved Mama's life.  Cindy.  My sister explained to Cindy what was going on and Cindy said we probably needed to get Ma to the ER as soon as we could.  God forever bless Cindy.  I drove my mom as fast as I could to the ER without having a wreck or wrecking her nerves and mine, and they got her in relatively quickly.  Thank God for the lady checking in patients.  She slide us up toward the front so we could be seen.  In triage, Mom's BP was (at least) in the 200s/100s.  Stroke level.  At that point, we didn't know what it was.  The doctors were so nice and the nurses were so nice to all of us.  They brought Mom's BP down slowly and teased at her to take care of herself, and they kept her over night.  Y'all, I thought I was in a nightmare...

I'm telling you, that was the most traumatic time ever.  Over the course of the next few weeks and months, we found out that she'd had a stroke, albeit minor, we got her on the appropriate medicines and got her into therapy.  By the grace of God, today, my Mom is recovered.  She isn't the exact same person as before, but she is HERE and she is BETTER.  I can't tell you the number of times when I would just cry myself to sleep thinking about what could have been and how I could have helped make sure this didn't happen, and even why this had to happen in the first place.  I didn't know how I would get through.  We kept seeing improvements and more improvements and steps that told us that she was getting better.  I mean, sometimes she has problems, but, she does much better at taking care of herself than she did before.  Then on January 13, 2013, it marked a year since she first got sick.  I still feel anxious and sometimes really worried about my mom's health and whether something else will happen, but I am marking this important milestone.  I can't believe that in that year, I  finished grad school, started a new job, my sister started a new job, I've had major changes in major relationships, so much stuff.  But thank God.  My Mommy is getting better.  One day at a time.

I forgot what my end point was when I started telling that story, but I hope that someone is touched by it.  No matter was the situation is, there is always a light at the end of that.  There are always going to be storms, but after the storms are the most beautiful rainbows...So until next time,

Salaam,

jMed

P.S. One more shout out to two very sweet people, Ms. Loretta (I know you're reading this!) and Andre!  They are getting married this Sunday!!  My prayers for a wonderful marriage go out to you!!